The anxiety of the New World

As we ushered in 2020 little did, we know the year that was before us was to be such a disaster. Not too dissimilar to the time in history when the Titanic claimed to be unsinkable as the passengers fine dined and wined unaware, they were on course for disaster and then one almighty bang. The Corona Virus has it similarities some knew of its impending doom; still, no warning sounded no time of preparation provided. Then in March 2020, we came to a grinding holt oh how the economy grated as we plummeted into unprecedented levels of national debt and workers confined to their homes.

The psychological problem of being taken by surprise is the anxiety it causes with no time to plan a recovery strategy in the resulting panic and anxiety let’s look at how this affects the mind and body.

We all become worried, even scared when traumatic events overtake our planned lives, and there is no doubt anxiety affects our performance in education or work. There is an array of classifications for stress in the first place you only have to look to the ICD-10 to see how large a subject this matter is. The main symptoms of anxiety are the exaggerated sense of dread causing tension in the body, so hence stress affects the entire body. Irregular sleep patterns are a common factor accompanied by headaches, trembling muscle pain and nausea or diarrhoea if you are currently experiencing any of these symptoms. I strongly recommend you seek out your local doctor. Counselling can help you collect your thoughts together a counsellor will help you identify your negative thoughts and explore your options in acting.

We cope a lot better when we understand what is going on in our body anxiety is an emotional response to a threat that our brain picks up from our environment the brain senses danger. The body responds following the signals sent to the body.

Fear, on the other hand, is about the real danger we feel our provisions of protecting our family are slipping away from us, we fear we will not be able to keep up with payments if we lose our job.

The human brain responds in a manner of fight or flight, causing adrenaline to pump the decision of fight or flight. In turn, this will cause the blood pressure to increase, and the senses propelled into a state of hyper-alert. Anxiety and fear produce very similar physiologic results the mind having to make sense of the data. When the flight or fight become triggered to stress, orders occur regularly. The way things were in our childhood can have a strong bearing on how we allow our mind to respond sometimes enabling us to view the world as more dangerous than it is.

Therefore, if we learn coping skills, we can begin to at least ease that state of anxiety.

Mental health treatments today are more advanced than they have ever been, and treatments focus both on the physiologic and psychological aspect of your anxiety. The biggest problem today is the overuse of medication to provide immediate relief causing us to feel zoned out in the process. (see Jo Watson Drop the Disorder 2019) The prescription does not allow us the opportunity of making any sense in a meaningful way of what is truly going on for us. There is no room for personal growth and development, if we want to discover the true self with lasting rewards reducing our levels of anxiety, then talking therapies are the way forward.


Journey to a Better Life

Journey to a Meaningful Life

Maté (2018) identifies the word addiction reflects actions used to escape both psychological, physical, and emotional pain. Chandler (2018) and Rassool (2011) define alcohol addiction as not having control over its use to a point where it becomes harmful to the user, others in the family, relationships and extending outwards to society.

“You can’t understand someone until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes.”

The person who first uttered this American saying is lost to history. The fact that it is so well-known is a good indication of the importance of empathy in living a meaningful life.  Any discussion on humanity will, at some point, deal with the importance of truly empathizing with others to understand their experience and this might be because of shared experiences. To be able to have a true empathic understanding (put yourself in someone’s shoes)  You must have a level of experience at the same time not making it about yourself. So, it is with developmental trauma and its impacts of addiction such as disassociations of the working memory (Daily, 2016).  The writings of Van Der Kolk, Maté, Chandler and Rassools offer significant learnings about the connection of addiction to trauma, not only psychological scars but the physical ones as well.

The behaviour itself is not the problem, although there exist people who are alcohol adverse.  The reason a person drinks is often the underlying issue where those who mask or hide psychological pain are more prone to addiction (Maté 2019, Van der Kolk, 2014). This might be related to issues involving facing shame (Spring, 2019) and to past trauma were used to cope with emotional regulation masking deep-rooted pain and unresolved conflict (Gross, 2014). Alcohol misuse can be a contributing factor of death including suicide, bodily malfunction, or accidents such as drowning.

Trauma and addictionhave an undeniable link, and this particularly applies when we look to specific traumatic events or childhood trauma within the family. Resulting  addiction may mask unhealed mental and emotional suffering. Trauma is connected to countless mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can stem from unresolved trauma conflict. When a person has experienced a traumatic event or grown up with trauma, they have lived with prolonged periods where the brain chemistry is altered and becomes more likely to struggle with mental health conditions leading to addiction.

In the formative years witnessing dysfunctional family behaviours, separations or other adverse childhood experiences a child experiences important biological changes. Studies have shown marked differences in neurotransmitter systems occur within just a week of separation from the mother has taken place. Early trauma in children living within a hostile environment can stem from domestic violence, child sexual abuse, psychological-emotional, financial, or sexual coercion have lasting effects on the adult life and the manner they respond to stress that can result in addictive or obsessive-compulsive behaviours. Trauma experienced during early developmental stages alter the physical stress mechanisms and as a result, the scars and adaptive behaviours can carry over to adult life.

Trauma conveys the emotional experience of a highly stressful and shocking event. While traumatic events are incredibly stressful and shocking,  Trauma is established when a person’s ability to cope becomes compromised. This occurs in response to events that are perceived as life- or body-threatening, or after witnessing someone else’s life be threatened or taken violently or shockingly. When the ability to cope becomes compromised the suffer will often seek alternative ways with coping with unwanted feelings to bring about temporary escape alcohol being so freely available becomes an easy choice. As Maté (2018) recognizes, “We keep trying to change people’s behaviours without a full understanding of how and why those behaviours arise.”

Psychological trauma is based on an individual’s subjective experience of an event, and to what extent they believe their life, bodily integrity, or psychological well-being was threatened. People who experience trauma may react with intense fear, horror, numbness, or helplessness. This can vary, from a mild reaction with only minimal interruptions in one’s daily life to reactions that are more severe and debilitating.

The benefits of recovery are many including physical, psychological, and financial. When in the depth of addiction sobriety will seem a million miles away. By taking the first brave steps the possible reduction benefits can be felt within days. By not drinking or accepting moderation measures life improves and the rewards are felt.

Alcohol is not a healthy substance for bodily wellbeing. Chronic and binge drinking is dangerous. When engaging in excessive drinking the body is forced into working overtime to process the flow of alcohol. The liver goes into overdrive in the role of metabolism, the brain struggles to recalibrate itself, extra pressure is placed on the heart and lungs as they pump at irregular speeds. This is not how the body is designed to function.

From the mental health, perspective drinking vast amounts is never a good thing. Initially, it can relieve stress but always in excess leads to the moral hangover and feelings of regret, shame, and guilt. Over time these are the issues that take a toll on mental health as the abuser finds themselves in the cycle of guilt, discomfort, shame, and remorse.

The amount of time it takes to begin to feel better varies from person to person. Alcohol does not remain in the body very long. Drinking has emotional side effects and withdrawing from alcohol will not help with the emotional disorders and this is where professional help is important to rebuild stability in life.

It is essential not to leave a void were the addiction once was. Before committing my life to mental health and counselling I struggled with alcohol misuse. My ID was compensating for other problems stemming from developmental trauma issues and learning differences. In recovery, it has been my experience that you are building a new life that requires new skills connections and something to fill the void something to take the mind away from what once was.  I found this in positive relationships and focusing on a newly found passion for mental health and counselling.

Addiction has no social or economic boundaries it can affect anyone. It is never helpful to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. It can impact upon relationships and can lead to a loss in so many ways.  Sometimes change only starts at rock bottom and the climb back is steep, with frustrations to be conquered along the way. But we need appropriate evidence-based services and trauma-informed treatment to support those struggling with addiction to recover. 


Heart & Soul Food for The Mind Today


We do become what we feed our minds yes, the environment we find ourselves living in   plays a part to our cognitive responses and contributes to our  thinking but ultimately, we can choose to be in control, in one attribute of our life our thinking maybe the only one thing we can take control of especially in bad relationships.

“Do you ever find yourself watching an awful TV program, unable to turn it off? The noises, explosions of gunfire, are upsetting. Yet you don’t get up and turn it off. Why do you torture yourself in this way?” Do we allow ourselves to become conditioned? Hardened by the media of this world. We have a choice we can choose to filter what we accept. Not for one minute am I suggesting a chosen blindness to the problems of the world but what goes on inside us? What is our self-maintenance, where do our thoughts stem from what is the root of our motivation? Love or Hate our core beliefs become conditioned over a period, therefore, we can ponder these things planning if necessary adjustments to our thinking process require adjustment.

It’s a good question. Irequireswonder why I put my brain through the things I allow to infiltrate my thinking. Philosophers throughout the centuries have told us that we have control over what we let into our hearts and minds, and this has a big impact on our happiness today in the here and now yes advice passed down through the centuries is just as particle today (2018) as it was in its originality. But we don’t often listen.

From Buddha to St. Paul to the Cherokee People, gifted people have warned us that just as we are what we eat, we are what we think moreover what we feed our mind. We become. I use a Cherokee proverb called “The Two Wolves” and a simple activity to help guide you to a better understanding of the how we can transform ourselves based on the mind-diet we feed upon. Both are included below.


Which Wolf Will Win?

An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego. The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence,


This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person, too.”  The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The old chief simply smiled and replied, “The one I feed.”


Think about it yourself for a couple of minutes II ask you to identify the positive and negative elements that are most prevalent in each wolf. It takes some honesty, but we all have them, whether it is pride, fear, or self-doubt; or, on the other side, love, generosity, and compassion. We all have our favorites, our bests and our worsts. For example, I know I’m a kind person (most of the time), but I can get a little tight-fisted when it comes to self-care personal time.


So, the simple question is: how we feed these elements in us, the best and the worst. If we know fear is a weakness, do we feed on it by watching horror films and neurotic news programs? Can we increase our mind-diet of healthy elements to shift the balance? If stinginess is a trait I see in myself, I can cultivate generosity by sharing my availability.


The first self-help guru on record, the Buddha, recommended we cultivate the opposite of our weakness. If you’re full of anger, then you should practice loving-kindness–thinking kindly about the people in your life–to actively nurture your loving side. Another great disciple, St. Paul, said, “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Don’t waste your brain on the negative stuff in your life.


All of us can condition the mind to take in new information to benefit ourselves sometimes the hardest part is letting go of our social conditioning and thinking that has followed us around in our life course. The making over of the mind can be a time of great new energy in life regardless of age.


Many who have self-medicated in drugs or alcohol over the years feel a sense of newness in life when they learn to let go and adapt. The mind is a great part of the body even if it has been abused for a long period.


The great news of recent discovery is our brains are constantly being shaped by experience. Most of us have very different behaviors and thoughts today than we did 20 years ago. This shift is neuroplasticity in action; changes in brain structure and organization as we experience, learn and adapt.


Research has been undergone in the last forty years and where it was once believed what we had learned by our late teens was predominantly what we had to see us through life, today it is widely accepted the human brain is made up of plasticity with new neurons growing providing renewed thought patterns regardless of age.


With every repetition of a thought or emotion, we reinforce a neural pathway – and with each new thought, we begin to create a new way of being. These small changes, frequently enough repeated, lead to changes in how our brains work providing lifelong learning.


Neuroplasticity is the ‘muscle building’ part of the brain; the things we do often we become stronger at, and what we don’t use fades away. That is the physical basis of why making a thought or action repeatedly increases its power. Over time, it becomes automatic; a part of us. We literally become what we think and do.


Neuroplasticity is at work throughout life. Connections within the brain are constantly becoming stronger or weaker, depending on what is being used. Younger people change easily; their brains are very plastic. As we age change doesn’t come as easily; the brain loses some of its plasticity and we become more fixed in how we think, learn, and perceive.


Since the brain is pivotal to all we think and do, by harnessing neuroplasticity we can improve everything we do and think. NeuroRehabilitation is understood and obtainable in today’s modern world.


Have you ever felt a little… lost? Like you’re not quite sure what it is you want to do with your life or career? Or perhaps you know exactly what you want but are struggling to find the motivation to get up every day and do what needs to be done.

When we lack motivation, everything can feel difficult. On this page we’ll delve deeper into the idea of motivation, understanding where it comes from, why we lose it and how working with a coach can help us find it again.

Understanding motivation

To start with, it’s important to understand what motivation really is. Motivation comes from within us. It is our purpose or reason for doing something, whether that’s to launch a new business or make changes to our exercise routine.

Our motivation for something stems from our values and beliefs. When you have a strong sense of your personal values and beliefs (for example, kindness towards others), this forms a basis from which your motivation can grow.

We all have different motivators. For some, they may include having a clear mission, wanting to help others, and being inspired. For others, they may include personal power, career success and money. Neither is right or wrong, however, many find external motivators like money or perceived success less powerful than internal motivators that work in alignment with your values.

A motivator that can help all of us is accountability. This means telling someone about your dreams and having them check in with you to see how you’re going.

This is a key part of coaching and for many, just having regular conversations with someone about a project/dream/desire is enough to motivate them into action.

The difference between motivation and inspiration

When someone gives a ‘motivational’ speech, what they’re really doing is inspiring their audience. Motivation must come from within , and this means that in reality – no one can motivate you. It must come from yourself.

Inspiration comes from the outside world. Speakers, writers, mentors, and others we look up to can inspire us. Films, art, books, and music can also inspire us.

If we imagine motivation to be the fire in your belly, your purpose, your ‘why’, then inspiration be fuel for that fire. The two work together very well, and inspiration can certainly be a tool to help increase your motivation to do something, but it cannot replace the fire of inner motivation.

Why we lose motivation

Motivation can come and go throughout our lives. We may have seasons where we feel incredibly fired up, motivated and excited about everything we’re doing, and we may have slower seasons where we need to rest, rejuvenate, and seek out inspiration.

Sometimes there are clear causes for our lost motivation. Below are some common examples, have a read and see if any resonate with you.

You’re burnt out

This can happen when you push yourself too hard for too long. Perhaps you were feeling that fire of motivation and ended up working all the hours under the sun. Maybe there’s simply a lot going on in your life and you’re overwhelmed.

When this happens, everything can feel like it’s too much and motivation feels like a forgotten dream. If this is happening to you, don’t try to push through it. Instead take it for what it is – a sign that you need to rest.

Book some time off, spend lots of time resting, allow your body and mind a break. Taking care of yourself will be the best way to invite motivation back into your life.

You’re struggling with your mental health

Mental health conditions like anxiety and depression can rob you of any motivation. Be sure to visit your doctor if you think this may be the case and get support from a counsellor. You will be able to find motivation again but learning to manage and cope with your mental health must take priority.

You haven’t found your ‘why’

Sometimes we’re lacking motivation because we simply haven’t found our ‘why’, our purpose behind what we’re doing. Maybe you’re working towards a promotion because you think you should be climbing the career ladder, but it’s not what you want deep down, and therefore you struggle to find the motivation to do what’s required for the promotion.

Once you’ve established an internal reason for doing something – your ‘why’ – you can nurture it. You’ll find decision making easier as you’ll have your purpose guiding your way. You’ll feel excited to work on your project as you’ll recognise why you’re so passionate about doing it.

You have negative/limiting self-beliefs

Many of us live with limiting self-beliefs. These are beliefs we hold about ourselves that limit us, such as “I’m not creative” or “I’m not worthy of that job”. These beliefs are rarely based on fact and come from a variety of different sources (including our childhood).

Life coaches and NLP practitioners can work with you to help identify any limiting self-beliefs you have and transform them.

You’re procrastinating

You have one task, glaring at you from your to-do list, but somehow you manage to fill your day with anything but that task. Sound familiar? Procrastination can often stand in the way of progress, even when our motivation is strong. This is often because our procrastination comes from a place of fear.

When we really care about something, we get scared about it going wrong. We worry what others will think, we worry about it failing – and sometimes, we even worry about it succeeding. This fear can manifest in different ways, and procrastination is common.

Getting past this fear can take time, self-reflection, self-investigation and self-awareness. Working with a coach can help you uncover what you’re really afraid of and help you push through it.

How coaching can help

As we’ve explored in this page, no one has the power to motivate you, but you. This doesn’t mean a coach can’t help, however. A coach’s role in your search for motivation is to help you uncover what your ‘why’ is and what’s diminishing your motivation.

They can help you identify what’s stopping you and work with you to overcome any obstacles. They may suggest new perspectives and offer inspirational resources. Different techniques may be advised, like meditation and journaling.

Their job won’t be to motivate you but, instead, help you discover your own motivation and give you the tools you need to keep the fires burning bright.

Once you’ve unearthed your motivation, they can help you formulate clear goals to help you achieve what it is you’re trying to achieve. With motivation as your driving force, this part is all about taking action and making things happen.

Talking to you during regular sessions, they will also offer a sense of accountability. Helping you set targets and goals, they’ll likely encourage you to complete certain tasks before your next session. Just having this encouragement along with the increased self-awareness that naturally takes place during the coaching process can be incredibly powerful.

Limiting Self-Beliefs


  • Your limiting decisions have contributed and played a large part in everything you do. They have prevented you from seeing opportunities and maybe even discouraged you from trying at all. Time to bring them out of hiding!


So how to identify those pesky devils? First, what do you say to yourself about that area? For example, if you’re having trouble finding a relationship, maybe you explain it with something like, “Women only want men who have a lot of money” or “Guys are only interested in younger women.” Anything you say to yourself to justify why it isn’t working out for you is a limiting belief.

Will that belief sound true to you? Of course! It will sound perfectly reasonable and valid and you probably can come up with lots of evidence supporting it! But it’s still a belief that is getting in the way of what you want. So unless you’re willing to totally give up on your goals and desires, it’s a limiting decision that you don’t want to keep around.

Sometimes limiting decisions are not that conscious. Maybe you’ve learned to squelch your negative thoughts before they get revved up, and you’ve have gotten good at positive self-talk. So, you don’t hear any limiting beliefs in your head. But you’ll know you’ve still got a limiting decision lurking if your emotions are negative about that area in your life.

For example, if you’re bogged down with financial pressures, how do you feel about it? Anxious? Angry? Hopeless? If you stay with that emotion and acknowledge it for a moment, you’ll find the limiting belief right beneath it. For example, anxiety might be saying, “What will people think of me?” Anger might reflect “Life isn’t fair to people like me.” Underneath hopelessness might be, “I’m just not strong enough or smart enough to figure this out.”


Now that you’ve dragged some of those limiting beliefs out of the closet, what do you do with them? In the Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)  we have several specific processes to  I can’t teach them fully in this article, but here are some steps to get you started:

Step 1: Write the limiting belief down. Play detective and follow your thoughts and emotions to discover the limiting beliefs that hold you back. Put them on paper and stare them in the face! You might note how strong each belief is and what emotions they elicit in you.

Step 2: Acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths! This is often the hardest step. “But, but, my limitations are real!” Here’s the place where choice comes in. Which are you more interested in defending your limitations to the death or achieving your goals and desires? “When we argue for our limitations, we get to keep them.” You choose.

Step 3: Try on a different belief. Use your imagination and try on a belief that is aligned with what you want. It might be something like, “My financial difficulties in the past have taught me so much that I’m fully prepared to handle them now!” Or, “Now that I’ve been in an unhealthy relationship I’ve learned what to look for in a happy, loving partner!”

The trick is to go beyond just saying it. You want to really step into this new belief and feel how it feels. Done thoroughly, Steps 2 and 3 will go a long way to dismantling your old limiting decision.

Step 4: Take different action. This might feel scary but act as if your new belief is true. In other words, if you really are the kind of man or women to adore, how would you act at parties? Who might you ask out? If you really are capable and have learned a tremendous amount from past financial difficulties, what steps would you take?  If you really are the kind of person who eats healthy food, what will you put on your grocery list?

If you avoid taking any steps based on your new belief, you will just feed your old limiting belief. Acting in, even the smallest step, will help solidify your new un-limiting decision. Your first steps don’t have to be perfect, just heading in the right direction. And be sure to acknowledge yourself when you’ve taken that step.

“We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back on your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.” 

Studies have shown clearly that by talking or writing about a negative situation, the negative affect and bad feelings are reduced. We tend to make issues worse in our minds. Have you ever held something you gnawed on it until it felt worse? When you do finally blow and let it out, you often realize that it wasn’t that big a deal.


Here is how to begin. Ask a loved one or friend if you can vent to him or her. Asking permission is preferable to just springing it on someone and possibly making them feel as if they had done something wrong. Ask them for a time where you can vent, let out what is bothering you, and let them know it is about you, and not them. Make sure you do this in a space that is appropriate.


Negativity and Doubt

Our black bags contain not only negative emotions but also the self-imposed limitations of negativity and doubt that come from the mental plane. The mental body listens to your conscious limiting beliefs about who you are and what you can do. So, if you don’t think you can be happy, the mental body ensures that you are correct.


Doubts are limiting decisions and/or limiting beliefs about yourself and your abilities. Self-doubt manifests in words like “I can’t,” “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not smart enough,” or “I am not spiritual enough.” Limiting decisions usually live in the mental body. They have less emotional quality though they may be strongly held. As you light up these doubts in your neurology, the black bags will feel a little bit different. The flavor is more mental than emotional, though some limiting decisions and beliefs have an emotional aspect as well.


Why “Black” Bag?

The color black was used because in life we progress down a path. Whether that path is an aim in life to be healthy or more spiritual, or if the path is a specific goal of creating an amazing relationship or reaching a specific weight, the path to get from the idea of what we desire to the desired goal itself is the path we travel.

When we literally walk down a path, we need one very important thing. you need to have enough light to see where to place your next step. The color black was used for our black bags because black or darkness is the absence of the light.

When you have negative emotions or limiting decisions stored up in your black bags and you attempt to go down a path, the darkness of the bags prevents you from seeing where you need to go or what you need to do. They cloud our judgment and sometimes make us take a misstep. For example, my fear prevented me from starting a weight reduction program for many years. Every time I thought of doing it, I couldn’t even see how to start. Many of us feel like we are stumbling around “in the dark” at some point or other. This is the effect of maintaining those black bags beyond their usefulness. It is the release of these negative emotions that allows the light to shine and illuminate our path.


Begin Your Release Process!

The best advice I can give you is to schedule the time to release now. Call your friend, talk to your partner, ask him or her if you could make a time and space to just let some things out. As an energy exchange, you could give them some time and space to do the same. Schedule it now, while you are thinking about it because you will be more likely to do it if it is on your calendar.


  • What are the results you’ve produced in the various areas of your life?
  • Where are your results not in alignment with what you really want to be, do or have?
  • What area of your life have you really tried to improve but, no matter what, things just didn’t get better?


Always Have a Project


When you are coping with depression, it is important to take a full-on approach to healing that involves a combination of therapy, support from your loved ones and efforts to reduce the stress in your life. While you can’t expect to feel better overnight, you can start now by finding activities that help you overcome your symptoms. These hobbies are all perfect for helping you to heal mentally and physically from the effects of depression.



  1. Hobbies encourage taking a break.Hobbies offer an opportunity to take a break—but a break with a purpose. If you’re like me, you might like to feel productive while you’re engaging in an activity and a hobby gives you that. You are doing something while still having fun. Hobbies are great ways to take a break from your busy life while still having a sense of purpose.


  1. Hobbies promote eustress. Eustress are a positive kind of stress, the kind that makes you feel excited about what you’re doing and about life. Hobbies, I’ve found, are one of the greatest ways to access that kind of stress. When you’re doing something, you love—something you don’t have to do for any other reason other than the fact that you love it—you feel a rush of excitement and joy.


  1. Hobbies offer a new challenge. Hobbies break up routine and challenge you in new ways, ways that are different from work, ways that are positive. The great thing about picking up a new hobby is that it provides an excellent outlet for challenging yourself without the negative stress that comes from a work-related challenge. The new challenge can also open your mind to new ways of seeing the world.


  1. Hobbies unite you with others. Even if you engage in a solo activity, like photography you’re exposing yourself to a new world of people, people who find the same thing enjoyable that you do.


  1. Hobbies provide an outlet for stress. Adding another activity to your to-do list might seem like a way to create more stress, but I’ve found that engaging in a new hobby provides a great outlet for releasing stress. By focusing on a non-work-related task, you’re giving your mind something else to focus on. And when you really get in the flow, all your worries and stresses seem to fade away.


  1. Hobbies promote staying present. If you really love what you’re doing, you tend to get in the flow or zone and really, truly focus on the moment. When I’m working on a project, hours can magically fly by because I’m so intensely focused on what I’m doing. Instead of worrying about the future or dwelling on the past, I’m completely and undeniably in the present.


  1. Hobbies have physical health benefits. Research has found that engaging in enjoyable activities during downtime were associated with lower blood pressure, total cortisol, waist circumference, and body mass index. Engaging in these activities also correlated to higher levels of positive psychosocial states and lower levels of depression and negative effect. Hobbies are good for your mind and your body.


Finding a new hobby isn’t always easy. You can’t just force yourself to like something; it must come naturally. If you don’t already have something you’re interested in (or might be interested in), try new things. Sign up for a class that sounds interesting or ask your friends what kinds of hobbies they enjoy doing. The key to finding a new hobby—and falling in love with it—is keeping an open mind and being willing to give new things a try. You never know what might become your next favorite past-time!


Journaling is an informal writing style where you can let your mind wander as much as you desire. Whether you want to write about what makes you angry or sad or you want to reflect upon a silly incident at work, putting your thoughts down on paper is a great way to gain perspective. Those who love writing already can take this hobby a step further by starting a novel or non-fiction piece that can be added to each day.

When depression rears its ugly head, it is time to act. Always begin by seeking professional help to ensure that you begin the right treatment. Then, enjoy exploring new hobbies that help transport you to a happier state of being where you are in control of your health and happiness.




Mindset for Success

download (2)

Have you heard the saying if you want something enough you will make it happen? This week we are looking at why we would take steps to make it happen. Personal goals are very important to all of us they become our compass to life. Without defined goals we are like a ship, drifting having lost the power of its rudder. Whatever it is you choose to pursue make sure it is something you are passionate about, something you can invest your life in and not loose heart when the going is tough. Let it define you in your achievements.

Many people feel that they can’t seem to get their lives moving in the right direction. We take a look at what a successful mindset looks like, If you embrace the attitudes below, you will find it much easier to get where you want to go.

  • Respect yourself.Without self-respect, you will not have the confidence you need to participate in the world and fulfil your dreams. Being unable to respect yourself is a sign that you need to do some inner healing. Once you have, life can be wonderful again.
  • Get emotional support.The energy you get from those people who care about you is a gift. It’s important to remember that those who have close relationships and friendships with others generally live longer and fuller lives. When you feel the need, reach out to someone you know cares about you.
  • Employ positive thinking.Keeping your thoughts moving in a positive direction not only makes you feel good in the moment but it also staves off anxiety and depression, It also gives you the one thing that we all need to keep our lives moving forward: hope. The more you employ positive thinking, the longer the effects last.
  • Show self-awareness.Knowing who you are and what your purpose is on the planet is one of the keys to happiness. If you don’t know what you want to do with your life now, begin by looking at what you’ve done before that’s made you happy and start creating a list of things that might make you feel that way again.
  • Display kindness.Some people believe that being kind is a weakness, and nothing could be further from the truth. Kindness can make the difference between success and failure. It can make your life and relationships deeper and more meaningful. It can also change the lives of others in a very profound and positive way. Kindness is a very powerful tool.
  • Seize opportunities. Wonderful things pass our way every day. Unfortunately, even though these things may be desirable, some people find it difficult to summon up the energy to go after them. Reach into your heart and find the strength to take on the potential in your life.
  • Trust your intuition.When you get a gut feeling, listen to it. If what you want isn’t going to hurt you or anyone else, and the outcome could be a positive one, go for it. Our inner voices can give us a lot of good information and the inspiration we need to help us achieve our goals.
  • Don’t hide.If you want to make a difference on the planet or just make a difference for yourself, you must get out there, so people can see what you are doing. Some people will help, and a few may be detractors, but if you don’t make it known that you want something new, nothing will change for the better.


These tips have helped thousands of people lead fuller lives and discover parts of themselves they have never known. Happiness does come from moving forward. Give it a try.


Discover Your Passion in Life


Do not let anyone steal your dreams or tell you that you will never make your dreams come true follow your passion. It is only by following what motivates you that you can be truly motivated and sometimes money has to be a secondary concern.  In this life question everything and take nothing at face value and if you want something grasp the nettle and go after it. These two traits — questioning everything and being unafraid to go after what I want — defined who I am today.

You do not have to settle for that average 9–5 job lining company profits. Its nice to play safe and have that regular salary but does it put the fire in your heart? Do you wake up jumping out of bed not being able to contain your excitement for the day ahead or is there a voice within asking what if? How long is that safe salary guaranteed for when your life is controlled by other decision makers have you really prepared for your future?

  1. When Its Time to Move On

The World is full of people who hate their jobs and know that they want to do something different but stay in their hated jobs for a long time nonetheless. Their main reason for not leaving is that they haven’t figured out what it is that they want to do or set goals for themselves. This thinking is flawed because you won’t learn or discover your ideal lifestyle by sitting around and passively going through the mundane routine while you may be thinking about it. If the current situation isn’t working, you need to find something else.

What happens when you leave the workplace even without knowing what you will do next when, suddenly, figuring out your next steps becomes urgent. That urgency may be very uncomfortable but think about this it could happen one day without you being in control of that decision your choice may not come into it.  It can also be an incredibly powerful time in your life because it frees you up to invest all your energy into finding the next thing. Finding the next thing goes from optional to required lay a wise foundation.


  1. Follow Your Dream

Explore life and how it relates to your motivation. The reason it’s important is that those interests tap into your unique motivations that separate you from others. Pursuing them sets you on the path of unlocking who you are and your creativity. It will at first no doubt prove a challenging time both financially and emotionally, but you will discover your true self the person you are meant to be.


  1. It Can’t Be About the Money

One of the hardest facts you will have to accept is it can’t be about the money for a long period of time you will have to accept getting by will be the norm.

If you’re looking to spend your life doing something you love, the best way to start is to treat financial concerns as secondary. If the practicality of what you do and how much money you earn are your primary criteria you will instantly limit your options to what’s predictable and getting to do what you love will be tough. On the other hand, if you allow yourself to pursue your curiosity, you will find yourself in the position of power and, eventually, in the position to earn money on your terms.

Connecting to your unique interests and motivations and coming into your own authentic self, gives you power in your chosen discipline that others can’t claim.

The reason for this is the unique fit of these interests to who you are. For others, what you choose to do may seem like a huge risk, but for you, it won’t even feel like work. When your work fits who you are so well, you stand out as being uniquely capable and uniquely powerful. And the better you get at expressing yourself through your work, the higher your earning potential will be in that capacity.

4 What is Creativity?

The creative process is the act of making new connections between old ideas and new often transferring skills into a new concept or recognizing relationships between concepts.

Creative thinking is looking at ways to adapt transform and reinvent, what is already present and combining the pieces in a way that has not been done previously.

While being creative isn’t easy, nearly all great ideas follow a similar creative process.


The Creative Process

  1. Gather new material.At first, you learn. During this stage, you focus on

1) learning specific material directly related to your task

2) learning general material by becoming fascinated with a wide range of concepts.


  1. Thoroughly work with the materials in your mind.During this stage,

you examine what you have learned by looking at the facts from different angles and experimenting with fitting various ideas together.


  1. Step away from the problem.Next, you put the problem completely out of your mind and go do something else that excites you and energizes you.



  1. Let your idea return to you.At some point, but only after you have stopped thinking about it, your idea will come back to you with a flash of insight and renewed energy.


  1. Shape and develop your idea based on research.For any idea to succeed, you must release it out into the world, submit it to criticism, and adapt it as needed.


Additional Consideration


For what purpose do I want this?

What will I gain or lose if I have it?

What will happen if I get it?

What won’t happen if I get it?

What will happen if I don’t get it?

What will happen if I don’t get it?

A Journey of Self Actualization



A Great Journey Starts with Mindset

Hi, my name is Dave Pender

In the latter part of 2013, I moved from a remote part of the British Isles with a population of 2000 people. It was the kind of environment where if you forgot what you were going to do for the day just ask someone and they would remind you.

My journey took me to London UK and at the time I must have appeared in resemblance to Crocodile Dundee (without the knife). I was out of my comfort zone and had to discover new ways to survive amongst 8.5 million people from around the globe.

Little did I know I was about to start one of the most exciting parts of my life albeit in my early fifties trust me it’s never too late to start over.

My first experience in London was to gain a voluntary role in addiction rehabilitation working as a meet and greet to clients who had just been released from one of the various HMPs (prisons) in the South East of England escorting them on their first day of release across London often to a halfway house for reintegrating into the community.

I was to go on to discover Carl Rodgers and the person-centered approach to counseling and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs attending night school. It was at this time I took an interest NLP and qualified as a master, the things I’ve learned have benefited my life greatly and transformed me into the person I am becoming.

I progressed within three and a half years from being unqualified to University by means of taking an adult foundation course in Psychosocial education taking me into a position to enter one of London’s leading universities on a three-year BA Integrative Counselling course.

I feel that my journey has been life transforming and I have created Confidence Coaching for Life Today to freely share with you my passion for three things.

   It is never too late

2     Education is open to anyone

3    You can empower your own life

Please remember to follow me on my word press blog as I weekly share with you the great benefits of self-actualization using person-centered, cognitive and N.L.P techniques for you to empower your own life and it’s all Free feel confident to share your passion as you feel the benefits of following me.



Confidence Why & How





Reading this item, you may already be aware of a personal struggle you have or have experienced at some stage in life.

Confidence and self-belief stem from positive thinking, talking to others, plenty of practice and in some cases, training. Although we aspire to have more of each, we often struggle to find them. Can these issues be overcome and how?

The level of confidence and the belief we have in ourselves can show in many ways affect our behavior, our mood and the way we carry ourselves. Individuals who lack self-belief and self-confidence will often find that certain areas of their lives will be affected. Relationships, career, lifestyle, and state of mind can all take a hit unless some action is taken to improve these qualities.

This week we will delve deeper into what causes lack of confidence and will discover how a life coach can help with confidence building. We will also discuss many techniques that can enable ways of boosting your level of confidence to feel more effective in life.

Do you lack confidence and self-belief?

 Suffering from low confidence and self-worth can be debilitating, but the good news is that they both can be overcome with the help of confidence coaching. When you start, the first thing to do is understand your current level of self-esteem. You then have a base to build upon, gradually increasing your self-worth and confidence over time until they become deeply ingrained facets of your personality.

Self-esteem and self-confidence are thought to be made up of several factors. These include physical presence, social confidence, status confidence, peer independence, and stage presence. Your behavior, your body language, how you react to different situations and how you speak can depict your confidence levels and the amount of belief you have in yourself. Confident people are typically more positive about themselves, whereas those who lack confidence often think negatively and could benefit from confidence coaching.

  • If you lack self-belief and confidence, you may feel: a sense of worthlessness
  • uneasy and shy
  • uncertain of what you want and who you are
  • negative thoughts about your abilities and yourself in general
  • you are unable to enjoy and relax in situations that you’d like to
  • as if you haven’t got a sense of direction in life.


On the other hand, if you are full of self-belief and confidence you may feel:

  • greater enjoyment of life in general
  • comfortable when facing new challenges
  • excited about new opportunities
  • confident about your opinions and ideas
  • a great sense of achievement
  • respected by other people
  • at ease in social situations
  • able to be yourself
  • sure, of yourself and what you want.


Both self-worth and confidence can be developed through coaching either by yourself or with a professional. It may, however, take some time to build upon your current confidence levels. The amount you can gain from coaching is usually very rewarding and is well worth the effort and time invested.

 How can life coaching improve my confidence and self-belief?

 Life coaches come equipped with the tools and techniques to help you develop your confidence and self-belief. Confidence coaching is designed to help you raise your self-image and create a positive outlook on life, starting from within. Life coaching may be able to help you challenge your beliefs that you have about yourself, boost your self-esteem and help you build a strong and positive self-image.

If you truly believe in yourself, so will others. Deeply ingrained confidence and self-worth will make life more enjoyable, exciting and satisfying.

Self-belief or self-confidence

 Self-belief or self-confidence are thought to be the way that you feel about your skills, abilities, looks, and behaviors. A person who has high confidence levels may learn things quickly, trust that they can complete tasks to a good standard or appear attractive to others. Self-confidence means to have faith in or trust yourself.

However, confidence can also be described as the way that we project ourselves to others. We don’t have to truly feel confident in our abilities, looks or capabilities to appear confident to others. Many people can portray an image to others of complete confidence while shaking with fear on the inside. This is a protection method used by many to cover up for lack of self-esteem or other feelings about themselves that they would rather not acknowledge or show.

 Self-worth or self-esteem

 Self-worth or self-esteem describe the way that you feel about yourself regardless of your looks, achievements, or other things you may feel confident in. It is closely associated with pride in your yourself and the amount of self-respect you have. If you have high self-esteem, you are typically happy in your skin, and you have a good opinion of yourself.

Self-esteem relates to the way we compare ourselves with others. This can cover many things such as whether we think we are as intelligent, attractive, loveable, successful or worthy as others.

Having low self-esteem can affect your mood. Feeling that you are worth less than others may lead you to strive for perfection but never feel you have achieved enough. If you suffer from low self-worth or low self-esteem, you may feel depressed, low, guilty, and you might try to prove your worth to others. You also may avoid situations that could cause anxiety or challenges you feel you cannot to cope with.


 Self-image can be explained as a mixture of the self-esteem and confidence. It encompasses the impressions you have of yourself, covering things like looks, abilities, skills, sex, age, successes, career, intelligence and more. It also covers the impression you have of yourself and how you feel about yourself.

 Confidence at work

 Being confident at work is crucial for career success. It doesn’t matter what work situation you are in – be it just starting out or running a company – confidence plays a massive part in the day-to-day activities in most occupations. Having a strong sense of self-belief can have a massive impact on your effectiveness and enjoyment of your job. It also affects how we communicate with friends and colleagues.

Being confident in the workplace enables you to be situationally proactive, assertive and focused. Having true confidence not only allows you to have a positive impact at work, but it also helps you make choices that will benefit your home life too.

.Imposter syndrome

Imposter syndrome is when you cannot seem to internalize your accomplishments. The persistent feeling of inadequacy may haunt you, even though there is definitive proof that your achievements are the result of hard work and talent. You may experience feelings of intellectual fraudulence and severe self-doubt.

You will feel like you are aren’t being a competent, successful individual, you are instead imposing as such. ‘Imposter’ feelings can come in many forms, but they tend to fit into the following three categories:

 Feeling like a fake

You may feel like you have deceived others into thinking that you are more competent than you are. You don’t think you deserve your professional position or success. This is typically coupled with the fear of being ‘found out’.

Statements that you may identify with:

I am afraid of the time when my colleagues discover my lack of professional knowledge.”

“I often come across as a more competent person than I am.”

Your success is attributed to luck

You may tend to feel all your success is down to luck or another external variable, rather than your skills and perseverance.

Statements that you may identify with:

  • “This won’t happen again.”
  • “I just got lucky.”
  • “This was a total fluke.”

 Downplaying success


Often when you achieve things that others congratulate you for, you will discount your success. You may feel that the achievement itself could have been accomplished by anyone.

Statements that you may identify with:

  • “It’s not that big of a deal.”
  • “It wasn’t that important.”
  • “The reason I did so well was that it was an easy task.”

The imposter syndrome is not an ‘all or nothing’ type of mentality. You may only identify some of the feelings in certain situations, or you may know friends or colleagues that exhibit some of these traits.

If you have imposter feelings, you can take positive steps towards changing them. A life coach can offer help and the motivation to get your professional life back on track.

The benefits of a positive mental attitude

There are plenty of ways to improve your self-confidence. Some may work better for you than others. The main thing to remember is that you need to truly believe in yourself to start making the changes you strive for. If you lead with positive thoughts, then you are more likely to accomplish your goals. This can be seen in medical miracles, successful sportspeople and in children who are usually more open about their self-belief.

Most improvement techniques for self-confidence are based on the power of the mind and body to work together to achieve the results you are looking for. A positive mental attitude will help you overcome many obstacles by enabling you to do things with the incredible power of your mind.

In contrast, a negative attitude will create negative actions feelings, results and low confidence levels.

The beauty of any technique based on a positive mental attitude is that you don’t need to know the outcome of an action to be able to do it, you simply need to believe you can do it and your body will loyally follow. This may not always happen straight away and will take a lot of practice but is a proven technique that can produce results.

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re probably right.” – Henry Ford

Confidence building tips

Here are five ways to help build your confidence. You can use these between life coach sessions, or on your own.

  1. Try to remove negativity from your life

If you constantly doubt yourself, you might have to evaluate your inner circle of friends and family. It can be tough, but if people are the cause of your lack of confidence, you may have to let them go. Even a temporary break from a person that’s causing these feelings can offer a real positive step towards confidence building.

  1. Change your body language

You can slowly start confidence building by changing your body language. This starts with your posture, eye contact and smiling. A simple smile with your shoulders back emanates confidence. Smiling will not only make others more comfortable around you, but it can also make you feel better too. Try to imagine a person who is smiling with good posture – this person looks self-confident.

  1. Avoid accepting failure

Don’t give up and accept failure. You can find a solution in nearly everything, so why would you want to throw in the towel? Succeeding through perseverance can be one of the best confidence boosters.

  1. Be prepared

Whatever you are facing next, learn everything there is to know about the subject. If you are prepared and knowledgeable, you will be self-confident.

  1. For particularly tough instances, create lists

Sometimes life can get too much for us and makes it difficult to keep up our self-belief. If this happens, try sitting down and make a list of all the things you are grateful for in your life, and a separate list of all the things you are proud of accomplishing (no matter how small). Once complete, pin the lists up somewhere you will regularly see them. This will remind you what a great life you already lead – it can be especially powerful when your self-confidence is waning.


Is Self-Love So Wrong?

Is Self-Love So Wrong?

So, we find ourselves in the week of love, like Christmas this week brings out not only the best but sadly the worst in human relationships. How do we feel walking the streets or Broadway of our locality watching couples in coffee shops or bistros Does it bring to us feelings of being alone? Are we hopeful we will solve our social status soon as we scan dating sites to meet our dream partner hoping it’s not another like the last? But wait a minute are we yet to find the best love of all self-love and care? Whitney Huston sang about it when she recorded the greatest love of all books are written on the subject yet many of us still feel so left out in the cold.


Self-love is not selfish not at all it is taking time to discover the real you treat yourself yes treat yourself find some important you time time you put aside just for you with no interruptions. Yes, begin to believe you are the centre of your energy that you give out 365 days of the year a strong confident you.

The responses you give out will make all the difference to your inner peace and daily happiness. I feel I can hear your response, but that must be a two-way street I can only work with what I have. Think for a minute even in the hardest of circumstances if you had not of slammed the phone down or shouted before you walked away would you not have the upper hand. At this very moment, the other person might then hold a sense of guilt or shame that might just wake them up to the reality you so want them to see before it’s too late.  Would you not feel calmer in yourself and be able to think clearly without self-reproach? Maybe it would have saved that extra drink you had last night in the moment of frustration. The beautiful fact is that it is never too late to seek empowerment, empowerment to what? You may rightfully ask.


Well, look at it this way every time your frustration results in anger you give your empowerment away often to an undeserving recipient. Why make yourself weak we are all worth so much more let us take a little time to explore your options.


Knowing You Can Do It & Believing in Yourself

The true meaning of life lies in following your goals it is far better to have at least tried your dream than to live a later life of regrets of not reaching out. Harbours are a safe place but if the ship never leaves that harbour has it ever been tested or stretched in its ability. Have you had goals in the past you want to achieve, and the significant other has talked you out of it. Did it seem like a great idea did you feel you would enjoy it no one should have talked you out of it accept in very few circumstances. Sometimes people talk us out of what we want to achieve for very selfish reasons they fear being left behind or appearing inferior once we have achieved. We never want to neglect a treasured partner, but there is a balance in not allowing them to control us. Relationships are the most difficult thing of all to perfect look at it this way to imperfect people in a world full of struggles and challenges trying to get it right it needs to be a balanced input. Support each other don’t be afraid to dream your mind was made creative for a reason.


Am I satisfying myself or putting others first?

Let’s go back to childhood were you lucky enough to enjoy the perfect childhood life of security warmth and unconditional care. Many adults today simply cannot relate to that ideal upbringing. Do you relate more to your upbringing being rewarded on achievement when you achieved you were rewarded but the rest of the time seemed mundane? Did it create in you a desire to please others for the reward you knew it would bring? Maybe we carried this principle over into adult life knowing if we pleased people we would get the reward but wait a minute what about the inner you. Did you become so set on others approval there was never time for you? Maybe you would like to take time to think it though do you partake in anything to give you pleasure or are you so focused on the approval of others around you.


But how can it change?      

The good news is that regardless of how life’s journey may have been it is never too late to achieve your goals in life. Life improvement normally starts with a change of mindset a sense of adventure. Seize the moment today what interests you? What would you like to do just for your satisfaction and sense of worth? There is absolutely nothing wrong with self-love it could even balance a flagging relationship out what have you done for yourself lately?  Take a little time today to treasure you feel the energy and comfort it brings and leave those negative feelings were they belong in the past.

Preparing for success

Preparing for success.


I would really like to make a big change but wait a minute that requires a lot of thought and planning. The best thing is you already acknowledge you want to change this is one of the biggest steps. Now make a list of all those things you would like to accomplish start with the first 12 months and work your list up to 5 years.


Are your goals smart goals I don’t mean clever, but I mean the following?

1 Are your goals simplistic?

2 Are your goals measurable?

3 Are your goals attainable?

4 Are your goals reachable?

5 Are your goals timely?

You don’t want to set goals that are complicated in the first stage your goals need to be measurable are you making progress? Are your goals truly attainable? Do you feel that your goals can be reached? And are your goals timely? By following this method you have the recipe for success and have already identified the most important issues.


If you adopt this process in your thinking you will soon find yourself on a road to vast self-improvement. Do not be anxious to allow your mind to see the full potential in you when you see it you can begin to believe it.


Areas you may want to concentrate on could be:


Health                  What steps can I take to get fit?

Family                  Create magic moments that bring about bounding.

Money                 Take a realistic view of finances and plan your budget.

Friendships         Are they really an equal exchange of time and effort?

Help                     Who deserves my time?

Vision                  By making a list of what you don’t want you will find what you do want.

Work                    What contribution do I make?

Development    Do something that makes you feel fulfilled.


What’s stopping you? Make that list today of what you want from your life. Yes, when you put your mind to it you can achieve. Don’t any longer procrastinate. Today is your new beginning. Finally, only watch two hours of TV a day and limit your social media time put your imagination to its best use one step at a time you will find the new you.